So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
