Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Enjoy the penises
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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