you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
