Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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