all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
