I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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