guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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