He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
