he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
