I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
