That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You ate ashes out of my bong
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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