And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
