just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
