is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
