ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
