Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
