you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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