is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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