he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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