You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
