I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
