Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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