i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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