I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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