i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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