i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
