He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
