Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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