In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
