I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
