sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
