I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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