I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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