She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
