You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
