I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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