That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
