Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
