Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
