I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
