Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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