I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
