I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
