Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
