so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Randomize
