I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
