Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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