i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
