he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
