The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
