my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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