I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
